Title: Obi's Lesson
Author: Jennigrl
Rating: R
Genre: Obi/Ani mostly implied
Disclaimer: Still don't own them....would love to!!!
Notes: Ok, a friend over at TFN put this plot bunny in my head and it was too cute to pass up!! Imagine Obi as a 'human behavior' (sex ed) teacher!!!! Thanks AGAIN to Dolly for the beta help....enjoy!!


Obi-Wan headed slowly for the Temple classrooms, a couple of books tucked tightly in one hand and a much needed cup of tea in his other. He could not believe that he had to do this; actually, he couldn’t believe that anyone would have to do this.


‘I never took human behavior when I was a youngling. Why do they even need this class?’ he thought, followed by the thought that he had been crazy to offer to fill in as the teacher if the need ever arose. Of course, he never thought that day would come, but it did when the usual teacher called in sick.


Obi-Wan knew about sex, of course, and probably a lot more than anybody would guess. There was his first love, Siri, from back when he was but an awkward boy. Then there was Qui-Gon, his Master, with whom he had had an intimate relationship for quite a number of years. There were others, of course, mostly unimportant one-night stands and such. Obi-Wan laughed to himself at that thought. If only they all knew. People sometimes thought of him as too serious, a prude if you will. Hell, even Master Yoda had once told him that he needed to relax, as if that was not the pot calling the kettle green!


‘Would a prude let his Master tie him to a bed and so those sorts of things to him? Would someone who needs to relax sneak up on his Padawan in the shower and…’ His thoughts trailed off as he remembered sneaking up on his Padawan in the shower that same morning. That is where people would be surprised, of course. Anakin Skywalker was Obi-Wan’s Padawan learner and he had quite the reputation with both the women and the men, and not just among the human species for that matter. They were always talking about how cute he was, you know, with those blue eyes and that wicked grin that made them practically swoon. Nobody would ever suspect that Anakin would be interested in Obi-Wan; not in that way, at least.


But oh, was he interested. Obi-Wan’s face went a deep shade of red as he passed by the Council room and remembered the things that he and Anakin had done in that chair, and on the floor, and up against the window, and…


“Ha. Prude. Whatever. I can teach this class,” he said aloud to himself.


He turned the corner and saw the Padawans shuffle into the classroom. It was now or never; he was just glad that Anakin had no need to take this class, as he had been away on a mission when he was to have taken the class.


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Anakin left his meeting with Yoda carrying a slip of paper in his hand; a slip of paper that was worth its weight in gold as far as he was concerned. It had come to Yoda’s attention that Anakin still did not have enough class credits, though it was no fault of Anakin’s. He had been brought to the Temple already a boy of ten years old, and though he worked extra hard at his lessons he did need to complete one more class. Yoda was unusually lenient with Anakin and let him choose the class, which took him by complete surprise. He could have sworn that he saw a twinkle in the little green fella’s eyes when he asked, as only Yoda can, which class might interest him. Anakin remembered their conversation a few short moments ago.


“Know which class you might like, Skywalker?” Yoda asked him.


“Master Yoda, I, um, forgive me, but I thought you would choose for me.” Anakin stammered, clearly taken aback that Yoda was going to let him choose on his own.


“Worked hard you have, young Skywalker, something light you should take.” Yoda said, stunning Anakin.


Anakin remembered with a sly smile that his Master’s class would start that day. He quickly pushed aside the images from the morning that flooded his mind: the shower, his lips, the desire, the unusual forcefulness, and most of all, his words.

Master Yoda gave a slight chuckle as he slipped Anakin a piece of paper with his signature on it.


“Filling in to teach the human behavior class your Master is. Good for you to be there it will be. Make him more comfortable it will.” Yoda almost looked as of he tried to stifle a laugh.


“Yes, Master Yoda, I think it will make him more comfortable,” Anakin managed to say as seriously as he could. He took the permission slip from Yoda and bounded for the door. Once in the hallway he paused and turned to thank Yoda.


“Welcome you are,” Yoda said with a knowing look, before Anakin had a chance to say anything. He nodded back in silence and made his way for the classroom.

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“Good morning Padawans. I am Master Kenobi, and I will be filling in for your usual teacher today. Can anyone tell me where you last left off in class?” He asked the students.


“We were learning about protection, Master Kenobi. Today we were to learn about how to use a condom properly,” One young student said.


Obi-Wan had to stifle a laugh at that one. Condoms? He was not sure he could even put one on properly himself; he never was a big fan of them. But hey, if that was what they were to learn today, then so be it. He was about to ask the class what they were supposed to practice on when he noticed them all pull out what looked like small light sabers.


‘Okay, then,’ Obi-Wan thought. He started to look through the drawers of the desk and sure enough, found the condoms with which the Padawans could practice.



Obi-Wan found the condoms and handed them out to the young Padawans. He wondered if any of them had ever actually used a condom before -- other than as water balloons to throw out the Temple windows, that is.


“How old are most of you, anyway?” Obi-Wan asked his class. He heard many voices at once; most of them appeared to be around thirteen or fourteen years old. But wait, did someone say he was eighteen? The voice was familiar, was it not?


*Familiar? Master, I hope it is familiar, as it was the voice screaming out your name a few short hours ago.*


Obi-Wan looked to the back of the classroom, stunned to see his Padawan there, he had been so busy looking for the condoms that he had not seen him sneak in.


*Anakin, what are you doing here? You could get us both into trouble.*


*Trouble? Would I do that to you?* Anakin sent to Obi-Wan with a mischievous look on his angelic face. He waved the slip of paper that Yoda gave him through the air.


*I have a note of permission from Master Yoda.*


Obi-Wan suddenly looked nervous and quite uncomfortable. How could he teach these students about sex while the forbidden object of his desire watched him?


He walked back to the front of the class and tried to act as ‘natural’ as he could. He glanced around the room at the fumbling hands of the young Padawans and decided that, no; most of them had not yet had a chance to use a condom. Except, that is, for one particular student at the back of the class. He watched as that student, Anakin, expertly ripped apart the wrapper with his teeth and quickly rolled the condom down over the mini light saber looking object, with his mouth.


Obi-Wan stared at him, mouth open in disbelief. He wondered where Anakin learned to do that, as it obviously was not from him.


*I am a quick learner, Master,* Anakin shot him with a wink. He then turned to the young female Padawan next to him and offered up his help. She proceeded to blush the deepest shade of red and burst into a fit of nervous giggles.


*Do you have this effect on all women?* Obi-Wan shot back to his Padawan while he tried to help a rather clumsy boy with the condom.


*Don’t know, Master, you see, I rather like men myself. Besides, she is just a girl, surely you aren’t jealous of the flirty ways of a fourteen year old girl, when you yourself have the devoted attention of that sweet boy?*


Obi-Wan looked down to see that the boy he helped was grinning madly at him. He realized that he was still grabbing the, er, base of the model, and quickly let go, turning quite the deep shade of red himself.


*Anakin, please,* Obi-Wan begged his Padawan.


*Please? How I love those words from your lips, Master. Please…please…please…* Anakin teased Obi-Wan.


With each please the incredible, yet entirely inappropriate image of their bodies meshed together became stronger. With each strong image came an even stronger feeling of pleasure from Obi-Wan’s groin.


*Anakin? Don’t do this, not here…not now.* Obi-Wan was desperate as he sat down in the chair behind the desk in an attempt to hide his growing arousal.


*Master, did you not say this morning that you could use some inspiration for your upcoming human behavior class? I am merely trying to help.*


Anakin would not let up, not now anyway.


“Okay, class, I see that you have done very well with the condoms. I’d like to thank my own Padawan, Anakin Skywalker, for helping us along. I believe it is time to move on,” Obi-Wan said, silently praying for a way to get out of this class without making a complete fool out of himself, or rather, without Anakin making a fool out of him.


Suddenly Anakin’s hand shot up into the air; he waved it fervently around, obviously he had a question that he was just dying to ask.


Though he knew that he may regret it later, Obi-Wan called on Anakin. “Yes, Anakin? You have a question?”


“Master Kenobi, can you tell me if there is something that you would use with a condom? It seems to me that they are a bit on the dry side, and though I don’t have much experience, I would imagine that it would prove to be uncomfortable, especially for the ladies. Am I right?” Anakin asked with an impressively straight face. The whole class had, of course, turned to look at him by this point. The appreciative looks from all of the young ladies were not unnoticed by Obi-Wan; that Skywalker charm could get the best of anybody.


Obi-Wan could not believe he had to answer this question, and was about to deflect it when none other than Master Yoda appeared in the doorway of the classroom. He stood there half in the doorway and awaited Obi-Wan’s answer. Obi-Wan glanced nervously at him and swore that he could see a look of sheer amusement on the little green face.


“Well, class, Anakin has asked an interesting question. Do any if you know what you would use to lubricate a condom, or better yet, why you want to lubricate it in the first place?” Though the words most definitely came from his own mouth, Obi-Wan could not believe he had just said them. Did he just ask his class full of Padawans if they knew what lube was, and in front of both Yoda and Anakin?


The students looked around the room to see if anyone would dare answer that question. Anakin sat there with a look of sweet revenge on his face; this was great payback for that morning when he was shoved into the wall of the shower and taken from behind with brute, though exciting force.


There were a few choice words that Obi-Wan had for his Padawan, but decided it best to shield his thoughts while in the presence of Master Yoda. He was in over his head as it was. He was sure, however, that Anakin knew what he had to say, just as Obi-Wan knew that the lube comment was a dig at him for that morning. He had been rather forceful with Anakin, and he hadn’t used any sort of the lube that Anakin now inquired about. One look at the smug expression on Anakin’s face told Obi-Wan that he did indeed know what was on Obi-Wan’s mind.


From the back of the room, Yoda raised his ancient hand.


“Master Yoda has joined us class. It seems he has a question,” Obi-Wan said nervously as he shot an icy look over to Anakin. It was a look that clearly said, “We will deal with this later.” He noticed that Anakin didn’t look at all worried about Yoda’s presence.


“Master Kenobi, if all right it is, like to answer Skywalker’s question, I would,” Yoda said with a gleam in his eye.

“Uh, of course, Master Yoda, please.” Obi-Wan stammered.


“Use it so your partner will not be uncomfortable, you do. Purchase in the human sexuality aisle next to the condoms, you can. Different flavors they have, if into that sort of thing you are. Right, young Skywalker is. Decided he has had enough time in this class, I have,” Yoda said, and he summoned Anakin to get up out of his seat and leave the class with him. Anakin did just that, but not before he stopped at Obi-Wan’s desk.


“I believe Master Yoda has said it is time for you to go, Anakin,” Obi-Wan said.


Anakin gave him a knowing look and turned to leave.

*We will deal with this later, Padawan.*


*Promise, Master?* Anakin sent to him before he left with Yoda, who he found waiting for him just around the corner with that same twinkle in his eye.


“Master Yoda, I…” Anakin lost his nerve mid sentence.


“Know I do, Anakin. Heard you screaming this morning through the Force, I did. Been there myself, I have.” Yoda laughed as he pulled a small bottle out of his pocket. “Give this to your Master, you will. Learn to shield yourself better, you must.” Yoda still laughed as he walked away, leaving Anakin both stunned and confused.


Anakin looked down at the bottle Master Yoda had presented him with. It was a bottle of lubrication, which both horrified and amused Anakin. He was horrified that Yoda not only knew, but that he had probably heard it all. He was, however, amused by the fact that Yoda had ‘been there before’; a bit grossed out, but still amused.


He walked back over toward the classroom where Obi-Wan taught and listened in for a few seconds.


“Master Kenobi, I have a question.” Anakin heard one of the Padawans say. “Do men have sex with just women, or other men as well?”


*Anakin!!!!*


The End

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